6 weeks married and now no longer a virgin but now on the Sea Org’s RPF (Rehabilitation Project Force) at 19. Pre-marital sex is forbidden when your in the Sea Org and I joined when I was 12.

When I was 18 it became against Sea Org policy to have children. So 6 years after I joined, everyone’s right to have children was dismissed out of hand. If you did not agree with the order then you were out-ethics (bad).

I’d always wanted to have a family and bring them up in the Sea Org. Now I had a girlfriend I was engaged to and she was also favorable to the idea of having kids.

She also happened to be my junior and so therefore keeping her eithcs in (being good) was on me.

After the muster when this order was dished out. I was pulled to the side by an enforcer and told to make sure I handled any considerations my fiance might have on this order.

No one asked me how I felt about it.

Long story short 6 months later we were married and 6 weeks into the marriage it was effectively ordered off by my superiors.

When your on the RPF there is no 2D time as it’s referred to. Means your not allowed to spend time with anyone your related to. 2D means 2nd dynamic, or Hubbards idea that we survive as part of a family.

I was allowed to write to her but this would be checked by an enforcer. I was frequently told to rewrite letters taking certain parts out. You could only say how good things were – nothing negative was allowed.

Your days regimented. There was about 25 people on the RPF when I was there. There was a guys dorm and a girls dorm and you’d drop out of a 3 tier bunk and muster at 5:55am every morning before breakfast. If you missed the start of muster for even being in the toilet, you had a mile jog to do before breakfast.

That the porridge was cold by the time you’d finished your jog was on you to worry about. There was another muster at 6:30 so you had to get through the jog quickly if you wanted to eat.

We’d then divvy up into 4 teams and get our project orders for the day.

We’d be doing mostly grounds work. You ran everywhere. Not jog, run. Your not allowed to talk to anyone, only respond if your spoken to. Must wear black.

We’d get lunch at 1pm for 20 minutes and then muster again before going back to work until 4pm. We then got an hours hygiene time.

It was the one hour in the day you got to decide what you did. You all had to get cleaned but only one could fit into the shower at a time.

You were not allowed to read any books except Hubbard Scientology ones. You could not listen to music. Not one in the whole Sea Org was allowed to watch TV. So most people worked on a hobby.

Like life serving convicts. They’d have small carved ornaments they’d been slowly perfecting for months. Although strictly this was entertainment and if the RPF Bosun took it upon himself he could order you to dispose of it.

It was like you were allowed this one wee infringement upon the general idea of a miserable life so long as you knew it’d be taken off you if you stepped out of line.

You were always allowed that one wee bit of hope.

I said my RPF year… I mutinied after 3 months and was still technically assigned to the RPF when I left the Sea Org 9 months later.

I woke up in the middle of the night after one month and sneaked through to the other berthing (a 20 miles cycle away) to see my wife.

I got to her. Told her I was leaving the Sea Org and wanted her to come with. She said she wanted to stay and told me to go back to the RPF.

I spent months writing her trying to win her back but she decided to end it. I was no longer an officer but now scum.

I also had not changed my mind about leaving. She’d been convinced to tell me she’d consider taken me back if I did well on the RPF program and graduated.

It was suppose to take 6 months. You twinned up with someone and did thousands of hours of confessional auditing on them. Some twinships had been at it for 10 years.

I never had a twin.

I just had to get away before I went psychotic. I think I did end up somewhat neurotic from the experience.

It took me another 15 years to realize that the problem had not been being in the Sea Org but even being in Scientology.

I’m too intelligent to be a Scientologist for life. I’m actually surprised at some of the people who are daft enough though.