I spent my teenage years in monk hood. Now what does that actually mean?

Well a ‘religion’ was as involved as one would expect. So was no sex before marriage (actually extended to nothing more than a family hug and at most being allowed to just kiss and hold hands with any potential wife).

O we were allowed to marry – just not have kids. Well they actually changed that rule on us in ’95. I joined (or was sent to) this ‘monastery’ when I was 12 in ’89 and at that time one could have kids but this ‘religion’ reserves the right to change it’s position on whether you can have kids or no. So at 19 while engaged to a wife to be whom I wanted to have children with were told we could not have a family.

It so happens my wife to be was my direct line junior and it was put on me to handle any ‘considerations’ she may have to having a family. It was a tough one to carry.

I ‘escaped’ this monk hood and ran into the mother of my daughter. We were pregnant together pretty much on our first night together. We’d met online in the old pre fb days when yahoo chat was a thing. But out first nights together brought me the only child I have had.

I was having a child ‘outwith the fold’ and so on my own per se. If it went ok my folks would tolerate it – any hiccups and it was ‘you’ve made your own bed, you lie in it.”

My wain turned 13, rebelled against her pops with full support from my ex (whom still carries that, hard done by me hatchet, as we never worked out) and BOTH my parents sided with her. Why? To send me to my death and be done.

They asked me (my folks) to commit suicide.

My older brother, their first born, has been abandoned to state care.

They never wanted children, they wanted slaves – and when we were not fit to the task they had one solution in mind, abandon and wish dead.

This is not a plea for sympathy. They weren’t physically abusive, there was no sexual abuse or narcotic abuse. If anything I’ve my Mum and Pops to thank for well, taking care of the very basics and an adversion to drug use (of any sort, legal/illegal and even the expected coffee, ok I am almost tea total bar the odd drink).

But this notion of we’d rather you dead than incapable… just doesn’t ring true for me. Who defines capable? Why are parents (and also strangers) quite happy to pass death sentances to myself and my older brother, including our own parents?

How many deaths does our species experience that is not needed is a massively vital question.

Some argue war and Darwins rule of the survival of the fittest pans out to help humanity improve itself in the long run. As a notion I find that disagreeable but can understand it. But when does one flick the switch…

Is it when another is just not quite agreeable enough to you?

Or do they truly have to be an actual monster?

And then there is the idea of the greatest good! When does sacrificing one to save more than one become an acceptable solution? In our world as it currently is the answer is zip.

If we’re fighting for the species survival and down to the last twenty or so… Is a context we hopefully will never face.

So when does taking a life become justified… If ever?